What is the cheapest type of bicycle you can buy? A penny-farthing.
Why can't a bicycle stand up on its own?
Because it's too tyred.
A piece of motorway and piece of dual carriage way are enjoying a drink in the pub. In walks a piece of red tarmac. The bit of motorway whispers to the bit of carriageway "Come on, lets drink up and go before the trouble starts. He's a bit of a cyclepath."
What is a ghost-proof bicycle?
One with no spooks in it.
Did you hear about the vampire bicycle that went round biting people's arms off?
It was a vicious cycle.
Q: My dog is a nuisance. He chases everyone on a bicycle. What can I do?
A: Take his bike away.
What did the silly boy take his bicycle to bed with him?
Because he didn't want to walk in his sleep.
A little boy out riding his bicycle knocks down an old lady. She's a bit shaken, but gets up, dusts herself off, then turns to the little boy and says: "Don't you know how to ride a bike?"
"Yes," he answers, "but I don't know how to ring the bell yet."
What's the hardest thing about learning to ride a bicycle?
My bank manager can't ride a bike any more.
He lost his balance.
When is a bicycle not a bicycle?
When it turns into a driveway.
What do you get if you cross a chemical and a bicycle?
Bike carbonate of soda.
Two city executives are walking their bikes down a country lane while on holiday. One says to the other: "Can you see that gravestone over there? That chap lived to be 128!"
The other replied: "Gosh, he must have been a hard working farmer or something like that. What was his name?"
"Miles from London."
A tandem rider is stopped by a police car. "What have I done, officer?" asks the rider.
"Perhaps you didn't notice, sir, but your wife fell off your bike half a mile back."
"Oh, thank goodness for that," says the rider. "I thought I'd gone deaf!"