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Cycling Jokes

Image: Cycling jokes.

What is the cheapest type of bicycle you can buy? A penny-farthing.

Why can't a bicycle stand up on its own?
Because it's too tyred.

A piece of motorway and piece of dual carriage way are enjoying a drink in the pub. In walks a piece of red tarmac. The bit of motorway whispers to the bit of carriageway "Come on, lets drink up and go before the trouble starts. He's a bit of a cyclepath."
What is a ghost-proof bicycle?
One with no spooks in it.

Did you hear about the vampire bicycle that went round biting people's arms off?
It was a vicious cycle.

Q: My dog is a nuisance. He chases everyone on a bicycle. What can I do?
A: Take his bike away.

What did the silly boy take his bicycle to bed with him?
Because he didn't want to walk in his sleep.

A little boy out riding his bicycle knocks down an old lady. She's a bit shaken, but gets up, dusts herself off, then turns to the little boy and says: "Don't you know how to ride a bike?"
"Yes," he answers, "but I don't know how to ring the bell yet."

What's the hardest thing about learning to ride a bicycle?
The road.

My bank manager can't ride a bike any more.
Why not?
He lost his balance.

When is a bicycle not a bicycle?
When it turns into a driveway.

What do you get if you cross a chemical and a bicycle?
Bike carbonate of soda.

Two city executives are walking their bikes down a country lane while on holiday. One says to the other: "Can you see that gravestone over there? That chap lived to be 128!"
The other replied: "Gosh, he must have been a hard working farmer or something like that. What was his name?"
"Miles from London."

A tandem rider is stopped by a police car. "What have I done, officer?" asks the rider.
"Perhaps you didn't notice, sir, but your wife fell off your bike half a mile back."
"Oh, thank goodness for that," says the rider. "I thought I'd gone deaf!"

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